Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Random spiritual realization... who do you speak to when you pray?

I've never been on unemployment. I'm 26 years-old, and I've been working, for the most part, regularly since I was 16. I applied for disability once in 2009 after rolling my Honda Civic off the 170 fwy. I got it; and, I was speechless. At $400 a week, I was beyond ecstatic, I'd actually be able to pay my rent and continue my undergrad at a local university. Since then, I've graduated college, the economy has plummeted ever further, and I still haven't found a job outside of waitressing. I applied for unemployment two weeks ago, and today I received a letter about my benefits. They're for $63 a week. I was mortified, that will barely cover my car insurance. And then I remembered that I've had almost $0 for the last two months, and that this is HELP.

I look up at the ceiling and I'm sorry comes out of my mouth as if I'm talking to the god version I was introduced during Sunday mass in the Catholic Church around the corner from my childhood home. I quickly remembered the god I know is a part of me, inside me and consciousness reminds Look Inward. Speak inward. So I close my eyes and look inside and say  I'm sorry for being ungrateful, thank you for this help. It's weird encountering your self engaging in old routines when your core beliefs have shifted  far away from the ones you internalized in youth. I guess that only thing that comes from this is a reminder to be more aware of your actions, words and spiritual process.

Monday, June 11, 2012

PRIVACY NOTICE: Warning - any person and/or institution and/or Agent and/or Agency of any governmental structure including but not limited to the United States Federal Government also using or monitoring/using this website or any of its associated websites, you do NOT have my permission to utilize any of my profile information nor any of the content contained herein including, but not limited to my photos, and/or the comments made about my photos or any other "picture" art posted on my profile.

You are hereby notified that you are strictly prohibited from disclosing, copying, distributing, disseminating, or taking any other action against me with regard to this profile and the contents herein. The foregoing prohibitions also apply to your employee, agent, student or any personnel under your direction or control.

The contents of this profile are private and legally privileged and confidential information, and the violation of my personal privacy is punishable by law. UCC 1-103 1-308 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED WITHOUT PREJUDICE

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

lazy girl's idea of making a mash up

Push play on the below video.

Now push play on the video below that.

maybe rock out.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

gemstones again, love the lil suckers

" In simple, easy to understand terms, the reason why crystals and gemstones make wonderful healing tools is because of what science calls its piezoelectric effects.  You can see this effect in modern Quartz watches. Crystals and stones respond to the electricity that is coursing through our body, if the energy is unbalanced, the constant electrical vibrations of the stones will help to harmonize, balance, and regulate the flow of these energies. "

(from a metaphysical article posted on http://www.neatstuff.net/avalon/texts/Articles.html )

Sunday, November 27, 2011

ZIM - Omar Rodriguez Lopez & John Frusciante

poor Nico, sounds like creative rape to me...

I just saw this quote from Nico regarding the production process of Chelsea Girl and it makes me so effing mad, (yet thankful for the present day where technology can be learned/utilized by those who  have the passion/drive/fearlessness to carry out their artistic endeavors without compromising for some two-bit middleman twat, gfy dick)

In retrospect, Nico said in 1981: "I still cannot listen to it, because everything I wanted for that record, they took it away. I asked for drums, they said no. I asked for more guitars, they said no. And I asked for simplicity, and they covered it in flutes! [...] They added strings, and— I didn't like them, but I could live with them. But the flute! The first time I heard the album, I cried and it was all because of the flute."[13]

As per Wikipedia:     Chelsea Girl is a traditional chamber-folk album, which influenced artists such as Leonard Cohen,[citation needed] with strings and flute arrangements by producer Tom Wilson. Nico was not satisfied with the album and had little say in production matters.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

WOT GORiLLA? - 6 Double 5 3 2 1

EMO. I think it's a November thing.
haha I'm okay with it.

Buddha Quote

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

The Weeknd 'Coming Down' lyrics

Oh ohh
Oh ohh
Oh ohh
Oh ohh
Oh ohh

I got something to tell you but don't know how I'mma say it
I guess that I could only say one thing
Girl I been bad again, girl I been bad again

Cause with this money comes problems
And with these problems comes solutions
And I use em'

When I'm faded I forget..
Forget what you mean to me

Hope you know what you mean to me

Pick up your phone
The party's finished and I want you to know
I'm all alone, im feelin' everythin before I got up

I always want you when I'm coming down
I always want you when I'm coming down
I always want you when I'm coming down
I always want you when I'm coming down
I always want you when I'm coming down
I always want you when I'm coming down
I always want you when I'm coming down
I always want you when I'm coming down

Poppin again, I tried to quit again
I'm always tight with something I begin
That's why my niggas got me to the end

Supply what I take, I take what I spend baby
I ain't lied to nobody but me
And you, and me
But you especially

Pick up your phone
The party's finished and I want you to know
I'm all alone, I'm feeling everythin' before I got out

I always want you when I'm coming down
I always want you when I'm coming down
I always want you when I'm coming down
I always want you when I'm coming down
I always want you when I'm coming down
I always want you when I'm coming down
I always want you when I'm coming down
I always want you when I'm coming down

Pick up your phone
I'm all alone

I always want you when I'm coming down
I always want you when I'm coming down
I always want you when I'm coming down

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Miss Leigh, I think it'd be wise to take a breath in the waiting room...

one of these days very soon I’m going to be able to just go 
to shows all the time and write about them and just do what 

Totally cool.
Fucking Dope.

I can taste it.
Oh My God, so SOON.

Ugh right now though,
within the pressure of this breath
overestimation motivation
the weight is adding stress

I’m pulling the covers over my head
I have to hold back
& finish what I start
mold these pieces steady 
otherwise I’ll crack
Fugazi just happened to be playing as I was writing, and so I looked up the lyrics and found them rather Ironic— Only I’m not in the “Waiting Room”, I need to be— I just need to remember to be patient and enjoy things so I don’t forget how to BE HAPPY always in the place that I am ________*) I don’t want to do things 1/2assed and wait for tomorrow to feel more manageable, I can take my time I forgot that it’s me who chooses the pace of breath…..

I am a patient boy
I wait, I wait, I wait, I wait
My time is water down a drain

Everybody’s moving
Everybody’s moving
Everything is moving,
Moving, moving, moving

Please don’t leave me to remain
In the waiting room

I don’t want the news
(I cannot use it)
I don’t want the news
(I won’t live by it)

Sitting outside of town
Everybody’s always down
(Tell me why)

Because they can’t get up
(Ahhh… Come on and get up)
(Come on and get up)

But I won’t sit idly by
I’m planning a big surprise
I’m gonna fight
For what I want to be

And I won’t make the same mistakes
(Because I know)
Because I know how much time that wastes
(And function)
Function is the key
Inside the waiting room

I don’t want the news
(I cannot use it)
I don’t want the news
(I won’t live by it)

Sitting outside of town
Everybody’s always down
(Tell me why)

Because they can’t get up
(Ahhh… Come on and get up)
Up from the waiting room

Sitting in the waiting room
Sitting in the waiting room
Sitting in the waiting room
Sitting in the waiting room
(Tell me why)
Because they can’t get up

Saturday, September 24, 2011

first smoothie recipe post

Since I got back from Maui in the beginning of September, I've become obsessed with smoothies = I have one every morning, and sometimes another in the afternoon! Today I outdid myself, really though, Jamba juice-- secure your profit margins because PorkChop smoothies blow your sorry excuses out of the water-- also, I think mine are healthier, and I don't have to wait in line or give anyone 5 dollars to press a button on a machine that I'm perfectly capable of handling myself. HA so anyways here it goes:
Lets call todays smoothie the... "Cacaomaca yaya"
-1 Frozen banana
-handfull (+) Frozen strawberries
-1/2 (-)cup of Trader Joe's Soy creamy (like ice cream)
-1/2 cup plain vanilla yogurt
- 1.5 Tbsp Cacao Powder (full of magnesium, called the Mayan Superfood)
-1.5 Tbsp Maca Powder (full of antioxidants, amino acids, called the Incan Superfood)
-handfull (-) Cacao Nibs
- (1+) Tbsp ground flax seed (digestive miracle worker!)
- A ton of Coconut water
-drizzle(+) of agave

that is all

Saturday, September 17, 2011

School On Wheels--Volunteer & make a difference in someones life in as little as an hour a week

This is my friend Jessica Cervantes, I've been tutoring her since April and every time I see her I can't help but smile.

She is nine-years-old and her family went homeless about a year ago. Her and her sister Jasmine live in a foster home in the valley, they do not know where their 6 other siblings are.
I visit weekly to tutor her in school subjects, but more importantly it's just to have someone consistent in her life, seeing as she's the smartest 5th grader I know. At  times last semester I'm embarrassed to say that her math skills surpassed mine on certain things, they were already doing algebra in 4th grade! I totally blanked but I think she's forgiven me since.

Anyways, the program is called School on Wheels and we could really use more volunteers. With unemployment the way it is, more and more people are losing their homes, it's not the lazy drug-addict or fresh out-of-the loony bin living in a box on the side of the road ( which so many people like to tell themselves so as to not feel bad about giving them $, which I'm not saying they should or should not, I've just heard that reasoning often throughout my life) the people living under the freeways and on skidrow are becoming more and more like you and I and Jessica's mom and dad.

So if you want to help the world in someway maybe this is for you? My reasoning was the only real way to make an effective change for the better is through the kids because they're still developing. Many of them are continually getting pulled out of school because their family's just can't keep it together. We are living in a new world, without an education these kids will turn out like their parents and the cycle will continue.

If you have any free time, even if it's only an hour a week, check out the program-- there are 56,000 homeless kids between Santa Barbara and the rest of Southern California (that they know of).

For more information:
or if you have any questions you can e-mail me on here
or contact Yanira Rivas

Regional Coordinator
School on Wheels, Inc

Sunday, September 11, 2011


i promise


This chick is awesome. The instrumental intellectual inside me is annoyed at how much she just made me like pop. Fck.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Blonde Redhead - The Dress

"The Dress" is off an album they released in 2007 titled "23"
God I love this song. The rest of the ep has a much quicker pace/drastic tempo changes, portishead porngrove meets experimental pop

Saturday, August 6, 2011

my new dream space.

sometimes I wake up after smoking ganja and discover a newly formed rock shrine, these are good days.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Buddha Quote

A dog is not considered a good dog because he is a good barker. A man is not considered a good man because he is a good talker.

Sent from my iPhone

Buddha Quote

To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one's family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one's own mind.

Sent from my iPhone

Buddha Quote

An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.

Sent from my iPhone

Thursday, June 30, 2011

my definition of synchronicity

synchronocity is when you find yourself in a situation which may appear to be coincidental or materialized at random-- so situation/event (A) occurs, it comes into question as to whether it is random or synchronistic if a completely separate following occurrence/event so event (B) (generally an event that changes or alters your path or leads you to something you want, even if you don't recognize it at the time) is dependent on the seemingly random preceding event, in turn (A) gained importance because of its necessary existence in order for event (B) to occur; however you never consciously did anything to create/engage in (A) and therefore could not have known it would lead you to (B)....

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

This is a rant.MUSICIANS..utilize your medium better.

I wish more musicians used their medium to make listeners aware of all the fucked upness of the world (& of course the positive things people can extract real value from like spiritual knowledge, aphorisms, I don't care about your bitches or your hoes or your caviar, it's pretty fucking stupid actually).

 This simple part of the chorus made me stop what I was doing completely, commanding my attention because I already know how terrible a machine Monsanto, the more you know the more you see-- "Rise up against the petroleum companies . . . diamond companies . . . companies like Monsanto." 

 The Monsanto company stole hundreds of acres of farm land from farmers all across the midwest claiming that they had illegally grew Monsanto's patented seed when in reality the pollen from the crop harvested from the Monsanto seed had in most cases blown out of the trucks during transportation.
                --- many people don't know this but in 1993 the FDA and the FTC allowed Monsanto company to patent a LIFE, it was a kernel of corn, a genetically modified life that they own. When a bug attacks that kernel of corn the bug itself actually dies, it registers the food as a pesticide because it has been genetically modified to contain amounts of the pesticide in the genetic make-up of the plant.

Seemingly a genius if your into chemicals I guess; BUT!! they took it much further. In the song the verse about Monsanto continues on "they used they're trick to make my people hungry." Well that's because years later Monsanto created a seed that would harvest only once, but they didn't tell anyone that. Then they sold/gave/distributed it (I'm not sure which) to many third world countries, Mexico was furious, this song makes me think it must have been planted in Africa too. This is extremely detrimental to the future of our agricultural resources-- mainly because when the patent seeds cross-pollinate with the natural seeds, they yield something unnatural, if we're not careful we'll be collecting seeds in place of the coins which occupied our grandparents display cases.

Anyways my point was music has a good way of reaching people on a semantic and informational level, as well as an emotional level which gives musicians the power to mobilize listeners with passion and truth.

The clip from the first documentary below shows the connections between Monsanto and other Agro companies and politicians. It's disgusting. There's no such thing as the EPA or FDA, there's no such thing as 'Organic'.....

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

"Honour thy error as a hidden intention"

My friend posted this interesting site where you hit a button and it gives you a random card with a saying on it-- these two artist/musicians compiled these and put them onto cards and called them "Oblique Strategies"-- in short the artists, in times of pressure, found these little messages were helpful to them in completing their works in a 'Tangential' manner as Eno puts it in the interview below..



"These cards evolved from our separate working procedures. It was one of the many cases during the friendship that he [Peter Schmidt] and I where we arrived at a working position at almost exactly the same time and almost in exactly the same words. There were times when we hadn't seen each other for a few months at a time sometimes, and upon re-meeting or exchanging letters, we would find that we were in the same intellectual position - which was quite different from the one we'd been in prior to that.

The Oblique Strategies evolved from me being in a number of working situations when the panic of the situation - particularly in studios - tended to make me quickly forget that there were others ways of working and that there were tangential ways of attacking problems that were in many senses more interesting than the direct head-on approach. If you're in a panic, you tend to take the head-on approach because it seems to be the one that's going to yield the best results Of course, that often isn't the case - it's just the most obvious and - apparently - reliable method. The function of the Oblique Strategies was, initially, to serve as a series of prompts which said, "Don't forget that you could adopt *this* attitude," or "Don't forget you could adopt *that* attitude."

The first Oblique Strategy said "Honour thy error as a hidden intention." And, in fact, Peter's first Oblique Strategy - done quite independently and before either of us had become conscious that the other was doing that - was ...I think it was "Was it really a mistake?" which was, of course, much the same kind of message. Well, I collected about fifteen or twenty of these and then I put them onto cards. At the same time, Peter had been keeping a little book of messages to himself as regards painting, and he'd kept those in a notebook. We were both very surprised to find the other not only using a similar system but also many of the messages being absolutely overlapping, you know...there was a complete correspondence between the messages. So subsequently we decided to try to work out a way of making that available to other people, which we did; we published them as a pack of cards, and they're now used by quite a lot of different people, I think.

-Brian Eno, interview with Charles Amirkhanian, KPFA-FM Berkeley, 2/1/80

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Energy Vampire

"Darkness consists of anything that is of a lower/heavier vibration such as anger, fear, depression, jealousy, hatred etc."                   

I just read an article on this new age spirituality website that has information on anything from the ways of the Veda's to healing through crystals and self help. The writer, Lisa Whatley, speaks rather urgently about the case of the "Psychic Vampire" also known as an "Energy Vampire". She begins with "Energy stealers are everywhere! They are your family members, your friends and they are your co-workers and YOU may even be one yourself."

It seems her mission in this piece to rescue the reader from continuing on ignorant to these "cords" that we develop, often subconsciously, to outside things, people, places. "... A psychic vampire is a person that steals other people’s energies because they are living their life in victim consciousness and believe that everything happens ’to’ them. Living in this manner is very dis-empowering. Therefore  in order for them to feel better about themselves they need to attach themselves to another person’s energy field. In order for this ‘vampire’ to attach themselves to your energy body, they form cords attaching the two of you together. When they need a boost, they unconsciously steal your energy instead of using their own..."                

I'm writing this because her article made me realize I have accumulated several attachments. When I moved back from New York at the end of December 2010, my body felt lighter.. Ironically I weighed 20 pounds more! I had nothing but a suitcase for 6 months, that's the most free I've felt up to date.

Whatley gives advice on how to clear the negative energy attachments. What made me realize I've become rooted here with "stuff" is when she says to burn all things with negative energy. All of my old journals are stacked up. Until a year ago, with the exception of a few short-lived waves of optimism, the content is negative overall. It's honest, and I think the darkness can be beautiful, but looking back I don't want to carry it with me..... so do I burn 'em? I'd like to publish them first....like a before glimpse at my polar opposite mind, the shadow before I realized I LOVE MY LIFE. It's funny, sometimes when I'm driving these days I'll catch myself repeating happily in my mind " I love my life" sometimes "Thank you..."                                                                                                                                     
                           Confession: I think it's possible that before my accident I MIGHT HAVE BEEN AN ENERGY VAMPIRE :( My mind wasn't saying "I love my life," it was saying things closer to I need this or that, yuck, thank you I'm so happy to be free of that....
                                                                                                                                             P. Leigh
here's a link to the article

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

my truth about liars.

I THINK-- my biggest problem with dishonesty is that it inadvertently, and quite fatally, blares that the dishonest accused in question fails to give a shit about the value of my reality; it says that my truth and my ability to make future decisions is theirs to mold..That's fucking manipulative right?

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Check out my Etsy account :)


Saturday, June 4, 2011

more on Carl Jung's synchronicity...

In cases throughout his book Synchronicity Jung says "there seems to be an a priori, causally inexplicable knowledge of a situation which at the time is unknowable. Synchronicity therefore consists of two factors: a) An unconscious image comes into consciousness either directly (i.e. literally) or indirectly (symbolized or suggested) in the form of a dream, idea or premonition. b) An objective situation coincides with this content." 

Friday, June 3, 2011

some thoughts and a Jai Guru Deva, Om translation

When I feel the most content in my life I notice it in my foundation-- like it feels stronger. I remember in New York six months ago laying on my blow up mattress on Monroe St. in Brooklyn, and all that was going through my mind as energy ran up and down the channels of my body was "Nothing's going to change my world," several thoughts ensued afterward securing the revelation that where I was inside myself at that point was so strong, and that the path the universe had for me was unfolding perfectly and any detour would be to teach me, and to strengthen whatever part of me that still needed strengthening-- It was like nothing could shake my security, I guess I felt untouchable. Anyways, I was listening to the Beatles Across the Universe tonight and it made me think of that night. It's funny that those song lyrics are in the same wording my brain was using, maybe it was subconscious recall. I don't feel as strong as I did then, but everything passes and I will again.
                                                                                                    - P.Leigh

Across the Universe
By The Beatles (1969)

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
They slither while they pass they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my open mind,
Possessing and caressing me.

Jai guru deva, om
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Nothing's gonna change my world.

Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes,
They call me on and on across the universe,
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box
They tumble blindly as they make their way
Across the universe

Jai guru deva, om,

Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Nothing's gonna change my world.

Sounds of laughter shades of life are ringing
Through my opened ears inciting and inviting me
Limitless undying Love which shines around me like a
million suns, and calls me on and on
Across the universe

Jai guru deva, om,
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Nothing's gonna change my world.

Jai guru deva
Jai guru deva
Jai guru deva

Jai guru deva

"Jai guru deva, om"

It's interesting translating Sanskrit to English, it seems impossible for the original intended meaning to transmigrate between the two tongues. I guess we face this with all translations, it just seems more important in my opinion when translating a mantra or a prayer, that's probably why there are so many different versions of various 'sacred' texts. 

--Jai is translated by some to mean --Victory and others -- I give Hope or Thanks to-

--Guru Deva is Guru DevGuru Dev was Maharishi's teacher-- Maharishi is the Guru who developed Transcendental Meditation

--Om--- well we should all know what that is, the universal sound, the beginning of creation, a uniting vibration...and so on and so forth. 

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

The Universal Germ, stirring within the Egg of Creation, established the worlds and generations by three "gestures." It fashioned the souls of things according to Virtue, the bodies of things according to Beauty, and the laws by which souls and bodies are maintained according to the Necessary. Together these comprise the Work which is called The Good. MPH (Manly P. Hall)

"A basic tenet of mysticism is that reality as ordinarily perceived is indeed a distortion and that human suffering is the consequence of believing in that distorted view.."

                          --- Arthur J. Diekman M.D. author of The Observing Self: Mysticism and Psychotherapy

Tuesday, May 31, 2011


According to tradition in Valencia, paella is cooked by men over an open fire, fueled by orange and pine branches along with pine cones. This produces an aromatic smoke which infuses the paella. Also, dinner guests traditionally eat directly out of the paellera...
  • Heat oil in a paellera.
  • Sauté meat after seasoning with salt.
  • Add green vegetables and sauté until soft.
  • Add garlic (optional), grated tomatoes, beans and sauté.
  • Add paprika and sauté.
  • Add water, saffron (and/or food coloring), snails and rosemary.
  • Boil to make broth and allow it to reduce by half.
  • Add rice and simmer until rice is cooked.
  • Garnish with more fresh rosemary.
Velencia is a salt water lagoon of the east coast of Spain.  This recipe is standardized because Valencians consider it traditional and very much part of their culture. Rice in Valencian paella is never braised in oil, as pilau, though the paella made further southwest of Valencia often is.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Death to Scooty

Scooter Update!!
It looks like I got taken for a ride-- and not an enjoyable one.
I bought a lemon, a sour, sour, very sour LEMON....!!
The engine was f*ckeeeed when I bought it-- the guy put some thick ass 90 wt oil in the engine to mask the knocking noise and smoking exhaust which would have made it clear that the engine was shot...
:(                   ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS KARMA M*THER F*CKER
On the bright side, at least now I know how to take apart a motorcycle engine.... And I guess I learned (????) to always take shit to a mechanic before you hand over the $$$

Thursday, May 26, 2011

the last 24 hours have turned my hands BLACK.

Yesterday the scooter decided it didn't want to work at 8 o'clock in the morning. I had to be somewhere at 8:30. I rethought "have to," rescheduled, and spent the entire day working on this new toy turned 'project.' The engine turned over a few times in the morning, but after about 4 x's it was only clicking with the ignition. It seemed like an easy power issue so I took the battery out first...
I put it in my purse, hopped on my bike and pedaled down Ventura Blvd. to 'Big O Tires.' I started talking to one of the guys in the garage and he offered to charge it for me. I left it there for a few hours. When I got it back, I thought I had the problem handled... 
That wasn't the problem :(
So today I took it apart, determined to get to the bottom of this! 70 mpg-- two days ago I had the open road at my fingertips, I want it back please, thank you... 
So I did ALOT of research, called some folks, and set out to check my starter selenoid. It's below in the picture. The positive and negative wires from the battery connect into it-- and then this big fatty black encased wire comes out of it and careens into the bottom of this engine and attaches to the starter motor, so hard to see! I go to Auto Zone and pick up a test light hoping it will tell me the engines NOT getting power, this will help narrow down the problem... too bad the selenoid was working fine...
The next thing I need to check is the starter motor. So I take the body of the scooter off to get closer, but this proves to be a mission in itself considering I didn't have a socket wrench to save my life at this point. Once I'm in there it's still difficult because there's this huge Air Box in the way.

 Anyways so I take it out and take it Firestone on Ventura Blvd., they test it, it works, F*ck, um what else could it be...? It's not turning over so it can't be my CDI or engine coils, I have oil, gas and power... power? One of the guys at firestone says it may be the battery, I tell him I just got it charged, "It doesn't matter, if it's old it will show a charge when you test it, but that doesn't mean it's enough to power the engine." He offers to test it so I go home and grab it... Their machines unfortunately couldn't test it accurately because they're meant for batteries with higher amps, or something, so I go to PepBoys, I almost cry when the guy tells me it's a bad battery. I buy a new one, I've spent over 24 hours on this thing, I'm ready to ride it already jeeeeeze. I go home and put it in the engine. It turns over a little, but not fully :( ahhhhh what is this, imobilize Portia month? Good god, I got my car towed last week and now my new wheels are failing me?

I find out you have to charge it before you use it... I asked the guy at PepBoys before I left, he said he didn't think so. I call him and he says "Oh yeah, I guess you do. We don't sell battery chargers, but I know for a fact AutoZone does.." Back to AutoZone, the fourth time in two days!

Now I have to wait ten point five hours... it's been like five, I'm still so happy at the thought that I might be able to ride it tomorrow.... And to be honest-- I learned so much about this engine, it's a 150 cc, and every shop I went to said it's pretty much a motorcycle engine. This is fantastic news because motorcycles are looking sexier everyday. The only draw back about all of this is that my hands appear permanently grease tinted.... But it's cool, I'm getting a manicure tomorrow :)

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

scooters-- surprisingly rad

I bought a scooter last week. I rode it home today. I giggled my fckin face off the whole way home, I had no idea I was going to be so stoked on this.... I wonder how long this excitement is going to last me before I have to buckle down and buy a motorcycle.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

 Photos by Stanley Forman from July 22, 1975, fire in Boston

I love Glitch Mob's 'Bad Wings' album cover.... this turns me on

New shoes...

I'm OBSESSED with these little top-slider(ish) Military chic tennis shoe I got yesterday. I LOVE them. I've always loved tennis shoes. In high school I had a collection of Nike dunks-- I caught guys in my closet trying to trade out their shoes with mine more than once. My love of the flat stems from the fact that I'm taller than everyone most of the time already..... I'm not into dudes having to stand on curbs while they kiss me, too bad though, cause heels make our butts look effing good....

Anyways, occasions like this when I find a shoe that's versatile enough to wear during the day, and when I go out at night, I get stoked... can you tell???

can somebody just pay me to rhyme all day long...seriously, i'd love that.

We are all packed up and in with all we need
here on our missions
released from light we came to life
in a fruition of divine division
the notes playing bleed intuition
but the road ahead is winding
and charcoal thunder clouds soar above indecision.

It's almost time for new tires.
I don't even notice the pressure
as its burning rubber down to wire.

Sometimes I get so lost
trying to decipher destiny in desire
Losing logic to lust and love to liars
walking the plank one of them prepared to jump
but in a flash the drop retired
the heat rose up from the belly of the fire
tricked into trance in a state of admirer

pushing past the stillness
a coalition of currents came chaotic
feel this?

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Great song. But I OBJECT!

AmazZZZing song. I disagree completely with the message it's sending.

This song captures her emotion in a way that makes the way she's feeling clearly transferrable, at least I feel it when I hear it, like my body hurts a little bit or a little extra weight just got added to my heart... I'm sure we can all bring ourselves back to a past love who has occupied our brain space for a significant period of time, but nobody should waste so much time thinking about someone if it's not reciprocatory.

As human beings we have ourselves to think about here, you know discovering those things that make you you, the things we're on this planet to cultivate in ourselves, don't forget those things, emotions are powerful, but why allow yourself to get tangled and drained in a situation when THERE ARE A MILLION AND ONE fish in the sea....

Sunday, May 15, 2011

I think I'm getting a scooter....

It finally happened. My little jeepy jeep is no more.  I walked outside of my apartment this afternoon around 3 and had planned on going to whole foods to get a bottle of wine, a mango Kambucha and a chocolate chip cookie. That is, until I found out that my car was not where I left it. In my mind I retraced my steps from the night before. I got home at 4 am.. I probably shouldn't have been driving. I went to park my car on the street outside of my apartment and I remember being compelled to take it around to the back and park where I usually do. Figuring the less time I spend in the car the better,  I forfeited the effort of looping the block and crossing Ventura Blvd.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

samsara escapes the death grip on youth...

We are the indigo kids
A new generation.
The wavelengths reformatted.
This is the beginning of creation
Or.. Fall into the static inferno.
The old ways are outdated,
we're painting the past, present and future

The world has been pickled by the hearts of men,
greed multiplied by grief and back again.
Colonial green further darkened the the light,
with rusted blood lines their branches descend,
natural laws phased from the masses,
purposely distorting things like the value of oxygen..
Skulls in hoods stole the bones from intuition.
The unnoticed incision.

I'm a Hopi Indian
we're all a part of them.
We were once monks in Tibet..
The Earth has turned soil for centuries
mind bodies digested with enzymes of human regret..
We are the people with the triangle on our foreheads,
we've come to catalyze the reset
we are here to take care of tomorrow,
to spark fire in life and give love truth to defend
all these life cycles seemed like only seconds
in the grand spectrum of the end
but they've added up--
recycled souls, we can no longer pretend

look close...
the moon shines through
a beacon of truth. awaken third eye.
There's no place for 'a tooth for a tooth.'
or scales of pounds and flesh,
The material body's destiny is empty and dry
samsara escapes the death grip on youth
and you're already scheduled to die...

We are everything and nothing
simultaneously united by the same something.
Nomad's in a new age
we're here to change the channel,
our case connection is growing
the program -- many won't know how to handle,
get side-tracked, stale in the mundane
or lost in the chaotic
either way,
the past is swallowing all that is robotic...
.......the future is breaking into weightless liberation
-----Get With It


Portia Leigh

Monday, May 9, 2011

Daddy's little stunt girl

       When I was younger my dad used to call me his little guinea pig. I was thrilled by the idea of being the guinea pig without knowing what it entailed. In all honest, I initially agreed to the role of the occasional test dummy because I thought guinea pigs were cute. My dad sorta treated me like a female G.I. Joe doll, his little stunt girl.    
        At four years old I was doing high falls off the roof into an airbag (more like "active" falls, as he was the one gently tossing me off the roof). He would say "Look at my little stunt girl," while a seven year old me is climbing the ladder, getting ready to jump.  My dad and his stuntmen friends would have these 'work outs'. They'd all get together at one of their houses and work on perfecting what they do for a living, stunts.
            Since my parents separated when I was three, whenever I was with my dad, I was literally WITH my dad. I didn't have babysitters, and I didn't have a lot of friends to hang out with until high school, so from the ages of four through 13, he brought me everywhere with him.
          One of the work-outs would be at his friend Tony S.'s house in Culver city. He had a trapese set-up in his back yard, something like you would find in circus de solei. I loved going to his house, because he had dogs and the backyard was huge, I could run rampant if I wanted. On the trapese set there was this harness attached to two bungee chords, once buckled in, the possibility of voluntarily removing myself was unlikely. The chords were attached to the top off two white metal support poles that shot out of the ground, 3 stories high and about a volleyball courts distance apart from each other.
      Once I was in the harness my dad, and whoever I could convince, would grab me by the ankles and start walking with me until the tension in the bungee's was strong enough to launch me across the back yard like amo in a sling-shot. I always wanted to go higher, even when I was up above all of the trees, HIGHER, higher please.
       From as early as I can remember my dad's main field of stunt work has been car work; precision driving, crashes, rolls...  one afternoon his friends were over adding to his demo real, everyone was outside. I was sitting on the warm concrete playing with rolli-pollys in my one-piece bathing suit (my uniform for years) as my dad and three of his friends stood discussing the stunt they were about to pull on our street.There was a 20 x 25 Porta Pit (a vinyl-covered cushion for jumps and falls) laid out adjacent to our drive-way, it was black and about 3 feet think.
      My dad was in his royal blue driving suit from this 80s racing team he used to drive for called Performance 2, one of his friends was holding the video camera and the other one was on the roof of somebody's grey-blue two door sedan, face-down, arms spread across like a crucifixtion as he gripped the side doors on his left and right. They drive around the block (with me in the back seat of course), one is shooting the scene from the passenger seat as my dad and the friend on the roof fake fight through the driver's side window. When he got the car in position for the finish he sped up, turned slightly to the right, then pulled the e-break just enough to slide perfectly into place beside the porta pit in front of our house, the man on the roof rolled off... gently I'm sure.
      This sparked my interest in car stunts. We used to have this little old 9-14 six convertible Porsche, my dad would always do 360s if I begged for long enough. I loved the thrill, it made my stomach feel non-existent, excitement coursed through my veins. At about age eight he started letting me jump out of the car, but only in the convertible, like in the movies. I thought it was the coolest thing I'd experienced up until that point in life.. and then I ate shit. hard.
       The routine would go as follows, we'd get onto Kittridge St. and once we were a few houses away from ours he'd slow down, I'd crouch up onto the seat with a left hand grip on the top of it and have my right hand on the door beside me, slowly putting pressure on it until I had the guts to jump... all you've got to do is come down running.
        My mom had just bought me these semi-baggy jeans with loony tune characters hanging out the back pocket for my 9th birthday, she and my grandma said they were like Janet Jackson's and the loose boy-friend jean was in. When it came to clothes, they chose sizes as if they were waiting for the day when I'd shoot up like Jack's bean stock, at least the'd be prepared garment-wise.
       The day of the fall was sunny and beautiful. These older boys that lived up my street were outside playing on their skateboards, as we passed by on the drive home I decided I wanted to impress them. I tell my dad to slow it down, the speedometer drops to a cool five mph and I crawl into position like a parrot perched. I prepare for take-off, I'm nervous. When I'm nervous or undecided about something, I jump in. Figuratively and literally choosing action with my eyes closed is something I struggle with. I'm 24 years-old, and sometimes on the days when I can't make up my mind, I still throw all of it, myself included, into the universe.... hope it comes out alright.
     So I jump out of the cherry red convertible. My jeans get caught on the little silver unlocked door lock protruding out of the passenger side door, far from graceful I awkwardly try to avoid a crash landing. Arms flayle on the take off, feet impact assphault, brain say's Come down running. I do. And for a mili-second I think I'm home free...then, SMACK. My pants weren't feeling the jog that afternoon. My feet got tangled up in the excess and as I tried to run, I tripped violently instead.... I didn't try to do that in front of boys, or anyone else for that matter, EVER again... (what tomorrow brings though is a different story, I wear tighter pants these days)

(Chapter: Dad/ childhood)

Layered thick and deep with all this squash-like pulp...Mango!

I keep forgetting to buy the swiss miss exfoliator I usually use, I rarely remember to get things I need until I'm in need of them. So I was in the shower today and I realize I have no scrubby scrub and there are these little bumps on the back of my arms and they only go away with exfoliator, so I'm bummed...
I get over it, and out of the shower, throw on some clothing, and go to the kitchen. I decided its a good day for sitting outside and having lunch, so I start cutting up this mango, which I now know is called the 'King of Fruits.' So I start butchering into it and to be honest the little guy is a rather intimidating advisary, how does one slice this thing up clean?? I get to the seed, and all of the sudden I'm off on a tagent...

  Holy shit, this seed is fckng huge! I wonder how they cut the mangos that end up in all those packages of diced frozen fruit?! How do you get around this thing? machine or a lot of manual labor? the latter gives me hope, maybe blue collar jobs can exist in the future..

So I start cleaning off this seed and it is a mission, it's layered thick and deep with all this soft yellow squash-like pulp. I get down close to being able to see the actual hard part of the seed and I see all these little grainy dots on it... As I'm cleaning the seed I'm handling it like a bar of soap (don't ask me why because I don't fckng know) and so I massage this thing between my hand for a while (until I decide I've had enough of getting side-tracked from the initial plan of having a nice lunch outside) I put the soap seed down, only to discover my hands are soft as fck!

So I do a little research and low and behold, the seed inside this little mango can be used as an exfoliant once you clean it off, you can rub it all over you body while you're in the shower and feel silky smooth after....The mango has a multitude of other uses too, the site below lists a lot of interesting facts... or facts that I found interesting haha...


It doesn't mention the seed as an exfoliant,  but other sources do.. the particular site gives a broader overview than others.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

self-sacrifice which denies common sense is not a virtue. It's a spiritual dissipation. 
Margaret Deland

A 'No' uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.
Mohandas Gandhi