It's my best friend Kendal's birthday, everyone wish her a happy birthday!
The night before my birthday Two yeARS ago I took this friend to a routine evening pilates class, we had just started becoming friends again since high school and at the time she had no clue that my birthday was so close. When I told her, I swear to god her mouth dropped with shock, almost in resentment as if I told her she had to throw a party for the president and would only be given two hours.
I've never really had a big deal made out of my birthday, let alone my birthday's eve, and this friend went home with record speed and rounded up some more friends at her place and surprised me with balloons, a bottle, and flowers, we then proceeded to get a little crunk and shake our tail feathers. That was one of the sweetest things a friend has done for me. I ended the night puking on her bathroom floor, and she sat on the carpet against the wall beside me and was totally happy just keeping me company, and through our slurred and broken sentences I can remember feeling so lucky that I had found such a great friend.
The last two months I have lived in a vacation town, it has been fun, but the visibility of a repetitive string of unhealthy habits is coming to outshine the party at this point. My habits have changed to suit this place, I allowed my self to get by on the idea that I was giving myself a treat or break, but nothing could be further from the truth.
As I started to see a little layer of womanly emphasis accruing, my aesthetically driven mind jumped to ideas about dieting, drinking less, exercising. Result: All these things I'd increase or decrease for a few days, a few hours, until I eventually let the party begin again.
It's been a little frustrating because I'm seeing the effects in every aspect of my life; but, up until now I realize I have been preoccupied with my own aesthetic disapproval. I sat down and meditated for a bit and then it hit me, that I don't feel well. I just realized why...
Somewhere along the line I got lost and forgot the whole basis for how I take care of my body rides on the desire of wanting everything to work more efficiently; and, because of that reason I am cautious about what goes in it... because I want more energy and I want mental clarity, I've not had to worry about my weight or any outer or inner ailments because I don't like the way bad things cloud my brain and make my body feel.