Tuesday, August 17, 2010

extra cushion... a reminder to myself

The last two months I have lived in a vacation town, it has been fun, but the visibility of a repetitive string of unhealthy habits is coming to outshine the party at this point. My habits have changed to suit this place, I allowed my self to get by on the idea that I was giving myself a treat or break, but nothing could be further from the truth.

As I started to see a little layer of womanly emphasis accruing, my aesthetically driven mind jumped to ideas about dieting, drinking less, exercising. Result: All these things I'd increase or decrease for a few days, a few hours, until I eventually let the party begin again.

It's been a little frustrating because I'm seeing the effects in every aspect of my life; but, up until now I realize I have been preoccupied with my own aesthetic disapproval. I sat down and meditated for a bit and then it hit me, that I don't feel well. I just realized why...

Somewhere along the line I got lost and forgot the whole basis for how I take care of my body rides on the desire of wanting everything to work more efficiently; and, because of that reason I am cautious about what goes in it... because I want more energy and I want mental clarity, I've not had to worry about my weight or any outer or inner ailments because I don't like the way bad things cloud my brain and make my body feel. 

"....Sometimes I don't agree 
with my thoughts on being free
Lion In a coma.
Lying in a coma....."

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