Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Synchronicity: was it me or the universe???

April 24

It's Easter. I’m lying face down on my futon with my arms supporting my head and I feel warm, I’m in a half sleep and my body feels a little lucid like my energy is tapping into something else, like a current is going through it, my eyes are closed. I’m zoning into something and its weird because I feel the advancement of my knowledge, this information I am being given isn’t mechanically assimilating into my brain space, instead I’m feeling it vibrating into my body, similar to how it was on DMT, but in a drastically more subtle manner. My eyes are closed, but I’m not asleep, it’s dark but I see a faint milky grey outline of a geometrical box that extends back into the dark blur of whatever lies behind eyelids,

I’m lying here and I start to feel it extending outward deeper into the black and for some reason I get the feeling that this thing I’m seeing is supposed to symbolize my world. I smile warmly in this half sleep, I want to stay here forever, but something calls me up. 


I see a Facebook Notification on my phone, blah blah blah has posted on your wall, so I check it.  My friend ***, who I haven’t seen since I moved a year ago and have only talked to once in that time period, posted on my wall saying that he put me on the guest list for his band to play at Bardot that night. Doing something sweet and random like that was probably the only thing that could have successfully elucidated me out of the comatose state I was in that evening. It was only 7:30 but I was exhausted from the weekend. 

I rarely do anything on Sunday night. I usually have school at 8:30 a.m. the next day. Ironically I find out from my roommate a few moments later that we don't have class the next morning. *** also says in this post that there are free drinks from 9 to 10 which promoted a cause for minor hurry.

Something in me, or outside of me, or both, decided I could get ready in a half hour; but, instead when I got up from my nap I walked around the kitchen snacking on avocados, hummus and crackers. As I procrastinated going into the my closet to get ready, **** texts me there’s a house party at our friends house in Thousand Oaks, I debated over whether or not to go, I hadn’t seen those friends in a long time either.

Time melted slower than menorah candles as I debated what to do with the night. When I realized it was 8:30 I decided not to go out, that’s just not enough time to get ready, my hairs a mess, I need a shower, and I won't be there by 10. But then for some reason my reservations were reconciled with this thought Well I’m not going to see ***** so I guess I don’t really care as much. I put on some hot pink lipstick and hit the road.

 My friend ******* says she’ll meet me there, she’s stoked on the idea of free drinks, and I’m stoked on the idea of not going into a club alone, willingly going into that scene without planning on meeting a specific friend isn't something I've ever really considered doing, and naturally *** will be busy with his band, nobody likes a tag-along, unless it's a girl scout cookie.  

It’s 9:45 and I call ******* she says she’s in K-town “Don’t wait for me dude, just go in and get those free drinks, I’m picking up my friend, I’m broke so we are going to drink whiskey in the car for a bit and then meet you in there, do you know if you have a plus one yet?

I laugh and tell her I’ll check, as I circle the block looking for parking I think Ah Fuck I don’t want to go in by myself ha! what luck.. I thoroughly consider going home (I think my ego was trying to convince me to return to the familiar) a feeling comes into my brain that makes me feel lighter, like it just released my soul a little, this idea that if I can have a good time in a scene like this with just myself, then life will be a lot easier from here on out, reassuring evidence that Everything I want and need, I already have and am… to hell with it, new experiences are exciting.

I park my car at the top of Ivar, the walk down the hill is steep and I almost trip over a bum lying in the middle of the sidewalk, I look up ahead paying more attention now and I notice a man with a faint light on in his car as I’m walking by I see him do a line off a CD case, I laugh out loud and all of the sudden I feel a little kick in my step, like that little laughter riled my confidence into gear.

I get to the entrance and my friend ****** is there at the door, he DJs there but I didn’t know he was going to be there and I recently lost all my numbers so I couldn’t call him. I find out I have a plus one and call ******* to tell her and beg her to hurry. I leave him at the door talking with another DJ and go upstairs to get a  drink, I see my friend *** and we hug and chat for a bit, but ultimately I’m left to watch the first band alone, ****** came back up from the door to keep me company for a while.

I look across the room and all I’m seeing are cutout shadows of peoples faces and hats blurred together. The music is filling and I feel completely comfortable, and then I have this strange feeling the person I had been semi-dating recently was there, like I feel his presence or something.  

I chalk it up to missing him because I haven’t seen him in a while.

I turn around to walk back up to the top bar between bands and as I reach the top of the stairs he’s walking towards me. I froze not really believing what my eyes were telling me, I think it took him a few seconds to recognize me too.

I haven’t been to Bardot in almost two years. I don’t go out on Sundays. And the reason this chain of events, I think, goes beyond coincidence is because I've been indirectly asking the universe which path to take in an apparent dilemma,

I’ve been distracted lately over whether it is more beneficial to be patient and try to get to know this person better, or just cut my losses and move on, I mean to not see, or really have close phone contact with someone for three weeks when you're in the same city seems like a ridiculously long time to me...


Did I somehow create this chain of events because I wanted it to happen (and not because the universe was answering one of my minuscule in the grand scheme of things personal problems) = which essentially is proof that we create our own world, 

OR presupposed fate = as if we were brought to each other to learn something, maybe we both need to grow in certain areas to continue on in our paths... And that was the universe's response

Or maybe it's all in my head and I'm making too much out of a bunch of coincidental connections...

(after this I started reading Carl Jung's book synchronicity, he was as much a scientific, as well as philosophical revolutionary as Freud or Sartre, and it's interesting because he doesn't write this book until after he had been killing it in the field of science for over 20 years... to take a detour to write about psychic-like things seems a little out of the ordinary, he says in essence that it was a part of his destiny...  here's a website with some information )

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