Woodcut from Hans Staden: True Story and Description of a Country of Wild, Naked, Grim, Man-eating People in the New World, America, 1557

Theodor de Bry Collection des Grands and Petits Voyages.1592

                                    

Slave Market at Rio

 Martha Graham 1821 

K to the P it's your birthdeeeee...

What did the big candle say to the little candle?

 You're too young to go out....                                                                                

   It's my best friend Kendal's birthday, everyone wish her a happy birthday! 

                The night before my birthday Two yeARS ago I took this friend to a routine evening pilates class, we had just started becoming friends again since high school and  at the time she had no clue that my birthday was so close. When I told her, I swear to god her mouth dropped with shock, almost in resentment as if I told her she had to throw a party for the president and would only be given two hours.

          

      I've never really had a big deal made out of my birthday, let alone my birthday's eve, and this friend went home with record speed and rounded up some more friends at her place and surprised me with balloons, a bottle, and flowers, we then proceeded to get a little crunk and shake our tail feathers. That was one of the sweetest things a friend has done for me. I ended the night puking on her bathroom floor, and she sat on the carpet against the wall beside me and was totally happy just keeping me company, and through our slurred and broken sentences I can remember feeling so lucky that I had found such a great friend.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BEAUTIFUL FRIEND!

Tom Ford.

smudges

really though, it's okay to put in effort.
no one's going to laugh if you fall.

extra cushion... a reminder to myself

The last two months I have lived in a vacation town, it has been fun, but the visibility of a repetitive string of unhealthy habits is coming to outshine the party at this point. My habits have changed to suit this place, I allowed my self to get by on the idea that I was giving myself a treat or break, but nothing could be further from the truth.

As I started to see a little layer of womanly emphasis accruing, my aesthetically driven mind jumped to ideas about dieting, drinking less, exercising. Result: All these things I'd increase or decrease for a few days, a few hours, until I eventually let the party begin again.

It's been a little frustrating because I'm seeing the effects in every aspect of my life; but, up until now I realize I have been preoccupied with my own aesthetic disapproval. I sat down and meditated for a bit and then it hit me, that I don't feel well. I just realized why...

Somewhere along the line I got lost and forgot the whole basis for how I take care of my body rides on the desire of wanting everything to work more efficiently; and, because of that reason I am cautious about what goes in it... because I want more energy and I want mental clarity, I've not had to worry about my weight or any outer or inner ailments because I don't like the way bad things cloud my brain and make my body feel. 

"....Sometimes I don't agree 

with my thoughts on being free

Lion In a coma.

Lying in a coma....."

effortless..

Pig Love

Alfred Hitchcock 'Suspicion'

This movie is worth watching, quite unpredictable. It's based of Francis Iles 1935 book, 'Before the fact.'

Cow Love

re-edit of something I started on a darker day...

Beauty all around me

Flowers and their mothers

Like soul mates and lovers they grow side by side

Colors and warmth lay within my reach.....

But I’m an iceberg where nothing grows and nothing breathes

This ground I’ve paved so everyone leaves

And I don’t sleep

And I don’t eat

So I don’t have the energy to grieve

In this place of the darkest space

There are no stars there are no smiles

But if you look hard enough

You’ll find my scars stand trial

because underneath my skin

is where I hide all the treasures and sin

and I don’t even mean to do it

I’m like an involuntary chameleon,

I’m not afraid to do it,

I’m not ashamed to talk,

But I worry that the weight of speech

on this early dock

Will sink our ship

And land us both on rocks,

so for now my dear forgive me

if I don’t always shine the light

it’s just I’ve left a trail behind

 and I can’t always map it out right

it’s not that I don’t love you

I’ll come around, you’ll see,.

But for now I’m tired of the past

And in the present I am free