3am thoughts

I keep looking back to where I hold the picture books of memories with their feelings and anxieties,
it's odd to have to wonder, to question the state,

to have to ask yourself what drugs you were on and the roads they helped you take
cockiness, conversations, and a path that casually alienates,
looking back I will not ask if today is just too late,

because in the present I am just myself,
inside my skin I'm not overly proud 

but I don't have to question whether my mind
is too high in a cloud because below me now I feel the ground 

and tomorrow I won't have to double-back to these decisions
to see if they're in need of sobering revisions  

I'm living these days unpredictable as they come,
and It's true, I'm not always right in the head,

but at least I can trust it's me alone on the path I tred...

I was falling asleep thinking about the past, choices I've made, situations I've been in, and I just felt so weird having to filter out what periods of time I was under the influence of what, frequent flags of "what was I thinking?!" came to mind, and then I realized I'm living in a place at this point in my life where I can't blame any of my choices on anything other than my own raw accord, it's nice to trust myself, to be free of outside alterations, it's possible that that is what I was afraid of before,...